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THE LAST CHANCE 



B Qomctf^ in ZTwo Bets 



By ANNIE E. BAILEY 



Copyright 1916 by Dick & Fitzgerald 



NEW YORK 

DICK & FITZGEKALD 

18 Ann Street 







M^y (81916 
©cm 43940 



THE LAST CHANCE. 



Summer girls 



CHARACTERS. 

Florence Davenport 
AiLEEN Dodge 
Augusta Evans 
Grace Greenwood 
Emily Hathaway 
Ada Mortimer 
Alberta Hoyt 
Hypatia Drew (Patty) 
Margaret Hinds (Peggy) ^ 

Aunt Charity Cooper Their chaperon 

Mrs. Mary Connor Who keeps the cottage 

Nora The maid, zvho reads dime novels 

Addison Hilton Professor Pygmalion Hawkins 

Glenn Allen Professor Aristotle Ambrose 

Time. — The Present. Locality. — A secluded country town. 

Time of Representation. — About one and one-half hours. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Florence wants breakfast. Nora and the dime novel. Oh, for 
a Man ! but they are prohibited. Mrs. Connor requested to sup- 
ply the deficiency. The advertisement. Lord Ullin's daughter. 
The vacant rooms engaged. Nora's strategy. New boarders ar- 
rive. Girls disappointed. Aunt Charity fascinated. Caught 
without their disguises. Peggy redeems the situation to every- 
body's satisfaction. 

3 



4 The Last Chance. 

COSTUMES AND CHARACTERISTICS. 

Florence. — Torn outing skirt, slippers, kimona for first en- 
trance. Later a light summer dress. 

Peggy and Patty. — Outing dresses. 

Other Girls. — Appropriate summer dresses. 

Nora. — Calico dress with large dark apron. 

Mrs. Connor. — Gingham dress and white apron. For last en- 
trance, a nightdress with skirt fastened awry over it. 

Aunt Charity. — About 50. Act I, severely plain dark dress; 
later a more elaborate dress of black silk. Act II, light dress 
and garden hat for Scene I; kimona for Scene II. 

Addison Hilton {Prof. Hazvkins). — Slow and phlegmatic, 
carrying his head thrown back and squinting. Eccentric costume, 
gray wig and whiskers, swallow tail coat, high collar, cane, silk 
hat ; carries luggage. Flannels for last entrance. 

Glenn Allen {Prof. Ambrose). Active and nervous. Eccen- 
tric costume; Prince Albert coat, stuffed to simulate a humped 
back; wears glasses, gray wig and whiskers, silk hat; carries lug- 
gage. Flannels for last entrance. 

INCIDENTAL PROPERTIES. 

Act I.^ — Feather duster, folded paper in apron pocket, and 
letter for Mrs. Connor. Knitting (shawl) for Aunt Charity. 
Book for Alberta. Flowers for Aileen. Note for Florence. 
Telegram, dime novel, note, chewing-gum, string and toothpicks 
for Nora. Post-card for Ada. Three broomsticks off stage. 
Fan for Emily. 

Act II.— Butterfly net and novel for Aunt Charity. Hand- 
kerchief for Patty. Letter in Glenn Allen's coat pocket. Coin 
for Hilton. Match-box for Peggy. Red Tableau lights. 

STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

As seen by a performer on the stage facing the audience, R., 
means right-hand; l., left-hand; c, center of stage; c. d., door 
at center; r. d., door at right; l. d., door at left. Up means 
toward back of stage; down, toward footlights. 



THE LAST CHANCE. 



ACT I. 



SCENE. — Living-room of Mrs. Connor's summer cottage. 
Morning. Doors c, up r. and down l. Window up l. 
Fireplace r. Piano up l. Table down l. Bonbon dish, 
book-rack and writing material on table. Chairs around 
table. Arm-chair c. Divan up r., near c. d. Several sofa 
pillows on divan. Tete-a-tete r. Mantel over -fireplace; 
books, flower vases, etc., on mantel, also a white scarf on 
corner of mantel. Fishing-pole or umbrella near fireplace. 
DISCOVERED Aunt Charity in arm-chair, knitting a 
shawl; Aiileen arranging flowers on mantel; Alberta on 
divan, reading; Augusta and Emily on tete-a-tete, playing 
cat's cradle. 

ENTER Florence l. d., hair uncombed, wearing a torn outing 
skirt and kimona, stretching and yawning. 

AiLEEN. Oh, girls! She got up! 

Emily. Is it for all day? 

Alberta. Good morning, Merry Sunshine. 

Augusta. How artistically her hair is arranged! Just look 
at her slippers. 

Aunt Charity. Good morning, dear Miss Davenport. (Kiss- 
ing her, then staring at her) Go straight back to your room; 
wash your face, comb your hair, and do put on a respectable 
frock. Your appearance is reprehensible in the extreme. 

Aileen. Aunt Charity means you're a sight for men and 
angels. 

Florence {stretching). Just it. There's mighty few angels 

S 



6 THe Last CHance. 

hovering about, meaning no disrespect to this august assembly; 
and as for men — Well, if there were just one man in this poky- 
old place — {Jumps on table and takes candy from bonbon dish) 
if it were only a Henglish butler for this menage of Mrs. Con- 
nor's. 

Aunt C. Miss Davenport! How unmaidenly! 

Florence. Aunt Charity, I shall sit on this table and swing 
my feet, and I will eat candy before breakfast 

Alberta. You mean before dinner. 

Florence. And I will not wear out my best dresses just for 
girls. (Calls) Nora! And besides, it looks as if it were going 
to be another stupid rainy day. (Impatiently) Nora! 

ENTER Nora r. d., holding up apron in which she has a dime 
novel hidden. 

Nora. Yes ma'am. 

Florence (chews candy and swings feet). What is there left 
for breakfast, Nora? 

Nora. Well, there's oatmeal. Miss Florence. 

Florence. Oatmeal ! What a surprise ! What a treat ! We've 
had oatmeal every day since the Declaration of Independence. 
What did you have for breakfast, girls? 

Aileen. ) 

Alberta, r Omelet, sausages, mutton chops. 

Augusta. * 

Nora. All them things has to be cooked, Miss, and Mis' Con- 
nor's out in the vegetable garden, and I can't stop to cook any- 
thing with all these peas to shell and get done for dinner; they 
ought to be on now. 

Emily (pulling novel from apron, which Nora holds gathered 
as if filled ivith peas). Nothing like having an inspiration in 
one's work. Which one of you lent Nora this? 
Not me. 



Girls, r g^^ y^^j. ^f^ j ^j^jj^.^^ ^^^^ 



Aunt C. If I thought that any of you young ladies — but I 
cannot believe — it is too much to imagine — should ever read 
such 

Nora. Don't you fret. Miss Charity; I'd scorn to borrow it 
of any of 'em. I found it in the ash-heap an' it had your name 
on it, an' I knowed it would be good. 

Emily (turning the pages). Girls, it's true. Here, Nora! It's 
safe. 



The Last Chance. fT 

Nora. Gee ! But I thought I was a-goin' to lose it. 

Aunt C This is base slander— cakimny. Unless some de- 
tractor has forged my signature, my name was never on a ten- 
cent novel in my life. 

Augusta. Maybe this novel did cost fifteen cents in this 
little town; don't be too hard on her, Emily. 

Florence. Go right on, Nora ; take your peas and dime novels 
and shell them serenely in the kitchen, while I starve. (EXIT 
Nora r. d.) Why on earth didn't I accept that invitation of 
cousin Cecile to go to the mountains? There'd have been at least 
a breath of masculine atmosphere there, if it hadn't been anybody 
but the blind old postmaster. But there would have been; for 
Addison Hilton and Glenn Allen were going up for at least a 

week. , , , 

AiLEEN. Tve known Addison Hilton as long as you have, and 

you needn't talk as if you had a copyright on him. 

Emily. And Glenn Allen and I used to play together when 

we were in pinafores, and I guess it wasn't wholly because you 

were going to the mountains that they planned to go. / was 

going there myself. 

Alberta. So was /. ,. , i u r 

Augusta. Me, too. You couldn't have monopolized both ot 

them. 

Aunt C. Young ladies, such remarks are extremely un- 
maidenly. In spite of your temporary pettishness, I feel sure 
that you will agree with me that it has been an absolute relief 
to be secluded for a space from those importunate young men. 

Girls. No, sir-e-e-, not much, etc. 

Aunt C. This is indeed a painful subject, but while we are 
on it I may as well be firm and frank with you. Glenn Allen 
and Addison Hilton are not fit associates for young ladies of 
your station. (ConMentially) Glenn Allen, my dears, is abso- 
lutely loud; think of his green hat and his bright red neckties. 
A breach of every law of taste! And Addison Hilton-of course 
I realize that you couldn't have known it-but it's absolutely true, 
for Mrs Walker-Kingston told Mrs. Hemington and Mrs Hem- 
ington told me-that he has actually been known to play bil- 
liards on Sunday, (Exclamations of horror from the CiIRLS) 
And a man who will play billiards on Sunday will steal, yes, he 

"^Aileen O'u^Pi^S w/>). That's true. Aunt Charity; I've seen 
him steal. And what's more, I'd give a dollar to see him do it 
again, this minute. 



8 The Last Chance. 

Aunt C What? What did he steal? Where? When? 

AiLEEN, It was at the last ball game between Brown and 
Princeton; he stole three bases. (Girls all applaud; Aunt 
Charity looks indignant) 

Aunt C. I never could understand your ball games where 
young ladies eat peanuts and chew gum; but I know this; I am 
thankful that we shall not be troubled by Glenn Allen and Addi- 
son Hilton during this outing. 

ENTER Mrs. Connor r. d. 

Mrs. Connor. Top o' the mornin' to yez, Miss Florence. 
Didn't they give yez any breakfast at all, at all ? Come right out 
in the kitchen with me, swateheart, an' tell me whether yez'll have 
omelets or mutton chops. 

Florence. Mrs. Connor, you're a jewel, but 

Aileen. All Miss Florence wants is 

Augusta. ) ^^^^, 

Alberta. ) 

Mrs. C. (advancing) . Shure, Miss Florence, yez ain't a canni- 
bal, are yez? I'll get yez anything for breakfast in reason but 

Florence. Don't be alarmed, Mrs. Connor; there's no one 
here I have any intention of eating — but— oh girls, why can't 
Mrs. Connor help us? Alberta, bring the best chair in the house. 
Mrs. Connor, come right here, do. (Leads Mrs. Connor to chair 
placed front by Alberta) Everybody do your best to persuade 
Mrs. Connor to supply the deficiency. 

Mrs. C. Shure, yez don't need to be after soft-soapin' me like 
this. I intended all the time to get yez some breakfast. 

Florence. Never mind that now ; " To business that we love, 
we rise betimes, and go to with delight " even without omelets 
or mutton chops. 

Emily. You look warm, Mrs. Connor; let me get you a fan. 
(Fans Mrs. Connor vigorously) 

Alberta. Don't you want a sofa pillow? (Crowds two behind 
her) 

Aileen. Have a chocolate; have two. (Crams them into Mrs. 
Connor's mouth) 

Aunt C. Young ladies, Mrs. Connor perhaps has duties to 
attend to. 

Mrs. C. Faith, yes ; the pertaties ought to be boilin' this min- 
ute. 



The Last Chance. 9 

Augusta (pushing her hack in her chair). I'll run rigHt out 
and tell Nora to put them on. [EXIT r. d. 

Mrs. C. Faith, I feel just like Queen Victory a-bein' crowned. 

Florence. That's it. And we, your humble servants, have a 
petition to present to you. Down on your knees, girls. Don't 
you know your duties to a sovereign? (Girls kneel, except Flor- 
ence at L. c. Emily kneels on sofa pillow) 

ENTER Augusta r. d. 

Aunt C. How unmaidenly ! 

Augusta {to Emily). Here, Emily Hathaway, get off thafi 
sofa pillow. It took me three weeks to embroider that. 

Alberta {pulling Augusta to her knees). For shame! To 
think of such a trifle in this crisis ! 

Florence {bowing lozv). Mrs. Connor, have you a spare 
room? (Aunt Charity from behind the table shakes her head 
threateningly at Mrs. Connor) 

Aileen. This suspense is terrible. 

Mrs. C. That's what I have — just one. (Girls jump up and 
dance about) 

Emily {hurls sofa pillow, narrowly missing Aunt Charity)^ 
Oh, I beg your pardon, Aunt Charity. (Aside) Mercy! I've 
swallowed my gum. 

Augusta (to Mrs. Connor). Advertise for a man. 

Florence (running to table). Let me write the advertisement. 

Alberta (same business). Make him young. 

Aileen (same business). And handsome. 

Emily (same business). And rich, with a touring car. (Aunt 
Charity crosses and talks with Mrs. Connor) 

Augusta (also running to table). And six feet tall. 

Aunt C. (to Mrs. Connor). Mrs. Connor, you recollect dis- 
tinctly that when I engaged these rooms, I did it with the ex- 
press understanding that you were not to let any room to any one 
else except gentlemen of mature age and quiet habits. 

Mrs. C. Never yez worry, Miss Charity, I'll stick to my bar- 
gain. 

Aunt C Young ladies, the room is already advertised. 

Mrs. C. (rising). I'm powerful sorry, darlins, that part of 
yez wasn't men; but I'll do all I can for yez, everything con- 
sidered, everything considered. [EXIT r. d. 

Aileen. Now what did she mean by " Everything consid- 
ered"? 



10 The Last Chance. 

Florence. Do you know, Aunt Charity? 

Aunt C. Hm — m. I left my reading glasses up-stairs. I must 
go for them. [EXIT Aunt Charity l. d. 

AiLEEN. She does know, old killjoy! 

Augusta. She's bribed Mrs. Connor. 

AiLEEN. Let's have an investigation. (All gather indignantly 
c.) 

ENTER PfeGGY and Patty c. d. 

Peggy. Where in the world have you girls been ? The water's 
like glass. 

AiLEEN. What's the use of getting all tanned up and blistering 
your hands. I'll bet they are blistered now, Patty. (Crosses to 
Patty and tries to look at her hands; Patty keeps hands behind 
her) 

Patty. No, they aren't ; and anyway, I love to row. 

Florence {going forward and speaking grandiloquently). 

To row or to be rowed, that is the question. 

Whether 'tis better in the mind to suffer 

The outraged fortune of too-much-bechaperoned females 

Oh, hang the blank verse; but I can go Hamlet one better; I 
know my own mind, anyway. Passive voice for me. I love to he 
rowed. 

Peggy. Florence is always pining for masculine society. 

AiLEEN. May be we'll have it yet. The southwest chamber is 
advertised and Mrs. Connor may let it to a real live man and 

Peggy. Nonsense ! We've heard the possibilities of that room 
ever since we've been here; for my part, I hope it will remain 
unoccupied. 

Augusta. Serves you right if we don't tell you a thing we 
know. 

Patty. By all means, don't. Every time you rehearse your 
sorrows you get moodier and moodier. {Pause) Let's do some- 
thing. 

All. All right. What? 

Patty. Let's rehearse "Lord Ullin's Daughter" for the 
Church supper. You say it, Peggy, and we'll do the acting. 

Augusta. Me for the chief. We ought to be letter perfect in 
it by next Saturday evening. 

Peggy. Hold, gentlemen, I'm stage-manager; moreover, I'll 
dress the bride. {Pins scarf on Emily's head) You, {to Flor- 
ence) Lord Ullin, go saddle your steed. Carry Mrs. Connor a 



THe Last CHance. 11 

complimentary ticket, Florence. Alberta, you're the boatman. 
Aileen and Patty, you're the armed men, you remember, and you 
belong with Lord Ullin— that's Florence. (EXEUNT r. d., all 
except Peggy and Alberta) Now, I'll say the lines and you do 
the acting. {While Peggy mounts the divan, Alberta draws arm- 
chair in front of tete-a-tete for a boat, takes Ushing-pole or um- 
brella, stands learning on it beside arm-chair. Peggy recites while 
others pantomime as directed. The success of this pantomime 
depends upon the vivacity with which it is burlesqued) 

LORD ULLIN'S DAUGHTER. 

A chieftain to the Highlands bound 
(Augusta and Emily rush in from r. d., stop between tete-a-tete 
and Alberta) 

Cries, " Boatman, do not tarry, 
(Emily extends hand appealingly to Alberta; Augusta feels in 
imaginary pockets) 

And I'll give thee a silver pound 
'(Augusta extends money to boatman) 

To row us o'er the ferry." 
(Augusta waves arm right while Emily clings to her in terror) 

" Now who be ye would cross Loch Gyle, 
(Alberta surveys Augusta, arms folded on chest) 

'This dark and stormy water?" 
(Alberta indicates water by broad sweep of left arm) 

" Oh, I'm the chief of Ulva's Isle, 
(Augusta points to herself) 

And this. Lord Ullin's daughter. 
(Augusta puts arm around Emily and chuckles her under chin 
with left hand) 

And fast before her father's men ^ 
(Augusta indicates r. d., with right hand) 



13 The Last Chance. 

Three days we've fled together. 
(Augusta shoivs three fingers of left hand to Alberta) 

And if he finds us in the glen 
Our blood will stain the heather." 
(Emily and Augusta show terror; Emily kneels to Alberta) 

Out spoke this hardy Highland wight, 
"I'll go, my chief, I'm ready; 
(Alberta nods to Augusta, turns boat around) 

It is not for your silver bright, 
(Alberta shakes head emphatically at Chief) 

But for your winsome lady." 
(Alberta kisses Emily's hand) 

But still, as wilder blew the wind, 
(Alberta helps Emily into boat; Augusta and Alberta fak^ 
places at arm of chair; they rock the chair, making slow 
progress left) 

And as the night grew drearer, 
Adown the glen rode armed men; 
Their trampling sounded nearer. 
(Tapping of broomsticks off n. d., to imitate galloping) 

But still they rowed amid the roar 
Of waters fast prevailing; 
(Alberta, Augusta and Emily look apprehensively over shoul- 
ders to r. and row faster) 

Lord Ullin reached that fatal shore; 
(Florence, Aileen and Patty ENTER r. d., riding on broom- 
sticks and stop in front of tete-a-tete) 

His wrath was changed to wailing. 
{Shakes fists at boat, then weeps and rubs eyes zvith knuckles) 

For sore dismayed, through storm and shade 
His.^child he did discover; 
(Shade eyes with both hands, gazing at rocking boat) 



The Last Chance. 13 

One lovely hand was stretched for aid 
And one was round her lover. 
(Emily kneeling in chair, extends one hand over back of chair to 
Florence, puts other arm tightly around Augusta's neck) 

" Come back ! Come back ! " he cried in grief 
(Florence extends arms to boat) 

Across the stormy water, 
(Florence clasps hands dramatically over heart) 

And I'll 

ENTER Grace and Ada very noisily c. d. Ada carries a post- 
card. Peggy, Patty, Florence and Aileen crowd forward. 

All. Any mail ? 

Augusta. Back, varlets. Behold in us Lord Something-or- 
other, the chief of Ulva's Isle, and this, Lord Ullin's daughter. 
We are eloping on this staunch craft, and 

" Fast before her father's men 
Three days we've fled together; 
And if they find us in the 

Grace (putting hand over Augusta's mouth). Oh, ring off. 
We've got something to say. 

Ada. Girls, something has happened ; no, something is happen- 
ing; no, something is going to happen. 

Grace. Sh ! Where's Aunt Charity? 

Aileen. She isn't here. 

Ada. Look out. If she should find out it's going to happen 
she'd pack us off to New York by the next train. 

All. What is it? When? How? 

Ada (flourishing post-card). Just read this. 

Florence (taking card). Well, I should say, "Read this." 
It's my own card. 

Girls (following Florence left front). What is it? 

Ada. If she doesn't tell, I shall. He ought not to have writ- 
ten on a postal. 

All. HEf 

Grace. Who do you suppose ? 

Peggy. Oh, Reggy Vastor or Cornelius Anderbilt. 



14 The Last Chance. 

Florence (dancing around). Oh girls, they're coming; they're 
both coming. 

Patty (sarcastically). Indeed! 

All. But WHOf 

Florence. Why, Addison Hilton and Glenn Allen. Listen. 
\(Reads) M-m-m- 

Emily. Oh, put in all the trimmings. " Dearest Florence " or 
is it something stronger? 

Florence. Never you mind. Here's the important part. 
(Reads) " Have just received your note, so know where to find 
you. Have written to engage rooms at the same cottage. Addi- 
son and I will be with you in four days. Glenn Allen." (Lays 
post-card on table) Girls, what will Aunt Charity say? 

Ada. Poor thing ! She'll be shocked past recovery. 

Alberta. She mustn't know it. 

Florence. Don't any one breathe a word. 

Aileen. When did they say they'd be here? 

Florence. Four days from to-day. 

Aileen. Better see when that post-card was written. 

Florence. July i6th. And this is the twentieth. Great hat- 
pins ; they're due this minute ! And look at my hair. Some one 
come and help me do it up. (Begins hastily to arrange hair, 
GOING UP stage) 

Emily. I've got to change my dress. (Goes up stage) 

Augusta. So have I. You ought to have dressed in the first 
place. (Goes up stage) 

Florence (aside). Spiteful thing. 

Grace. I got my nose dreadfully sunburned yesterday. Is it 
red? (Goes vp stage) 

Patty (down stage). All that fuss over a man! (Girls up 
stage, zvhispering) 

Peggy. Come on. It's just the right time of day to fish for 
cunners. 

Patty. I'm with you. [EXEUNT Peggy and Patty c. d. 

ENTER Aunt Charity l. d., unobserved by the Girls who are 
whispering. 

Aunt C. What is the occasion of such unseemly confusion? 
Florence (confusedly). M-m-m, er — nothing. 
Aileen. We are just going to dress for dinner. 
Augusta (to Aileen). You've saved the day. 

[EXEUNT ALL girls l. d. 



The Last Chance. 15 

Aunt C. (goes up c. and watches the Girls off). How un- 
maidenly! (Goes down to table) Let me think. In the confu- 
sion I have forgotten what I came for. Oh yes, I know. My 
knitting. (Looks for it on table; finds postal and reads it) 
Why— oh— ah— young ladies, I perceive the cause of so much un- 
usual excitement. Glenn Allen and Addison HiUon ! Ah, but Mr. 
Glenn Allen, you'll not find her here; she will be back in New 
York in another twelve hours. (Reads) "Written to engage 
rooms at the same cottage." The presumption of it ! Really, this 
is unpardonable in Mrs. Connor. I shall interview her at once. 

ENTER Mrs. Connor r. d., with feather duster, 

Mrs. C. (arranging room). Howly Mither! Sure, thim girls 
do be right smart at kicking up a clutter. An' it's Mary Connor 
that 'ud be after makin' 'em clane up after thimselves if they 
wa'n't that put to it to know what to do with thimselves that 

Aunt C. (interrupting). What does this mean, Mrs. Connor? 
What construction, I demand, am I to put upon this? (Tapping 
postal) . , 

Mrs. C. (dusting furiously). Sure, an' I don't know. I am t 
yer private secretary. 

Aunt C. (stamping). Mrs. Connor, do you mean to treat this 
subject with levity when you yourself have been guilty of per- 
fidy, perjury, contumacy, even? 

Mrs. C. (brandishing duster) . I don't know what one of thim 
things is, but if they mane what yer look, ye're a liar. (Drives 
Aunt Charity behind tete-a-tete) 

Aunt C. (flourishing postal). They mean that you are the 
one who has practised deceit. You promised not to let your un- 
occupied room to any frivolous young gentleman ; and what do I 
find? A note, madam, to Miss Davenport, saying that they are 
coming this very day, the two men whom I most wished to guard 
against. And when these two boarders come, nine others shall 
leave ; I and my charges shall return to New York at once. 

Mrs. C. (arms akimbo). Sure, yer do be makin' trouble ^fer 
yersilf, a-pryin' into other folkses' business. Was one of 'em 
named Glenn Allen? 

Aunt C. He was. 

Mrs. C. It was a Mr. Glenn Allen that I writ to mesilf yes- 
tiddy an' tell him I did, ma'am, as you yersilf was after a-tellm' 
jne to say— sure, an' it was yer very words I used— that if he 



10 The Last Chance. 

was less than fifty, nlver a step could he come ; an' if he had bad 
habits, he couldn't come at all, at all. 

Aunt C. Mrs. Connor, you didn't say that! 

Mrs. C. Well, it meant that. But anyway, here it is, just as 
ye writ it out fer me. (Takes folded paper from apron pocket) 
** Honored Gentleman : this cottage is especially designed for 
professional gentlemen of advanced years. We assure you that 
the gas — gas " 

Aunt C. {prompting). Gastronomic. 

Mrs. C. (aside). Sure, where's the gas? But never moind. 
(Reads with difficulty) "the gastronomic accommodations are 
above reproach, the situation one of undisturbed serenity. In re- 
turn, we require references as to the applicant's character, moral- 
ity, and sobrietj^. None but those who fulfil the conditions 
need apply." The priest always called me a good speller, but it's 
one thing ter spell an' another ter pronounce. But I writ it, I 
did, jist as yer give it ter me, though, fer me own part, I niver 
could see what hurt it would do the young ladies ter 

Aunt C. (moving haughtily l.). Mrs. Connor, I prefer not 
to discuss my methods of chaperonage. It is sufficient that I 
object to having my charges brought into the company of the 
two young men in question who applied to you for lodging. As 
they are not coming, we shall remain here as we intended. I 
believe that is all, Mrs. Connor. [EXIT Aunt Charity l. d. 

Mrs. C (following and mimicking her gait, shaking fist after 
Aunt Charity). An' I believe it ain't, bad cess ter yer. Sure 
it's Mrs. Connor as has put up long enough with yer mane, high- 
falutin' ways. Yer jist wait. The next time ye want yer break- 
fast in yer room — Oh, yis, Mrs. Connor will be so kind as ter 

serve Miss Charity's breakfast in her room Ye jist wait. 

[EXIT L. D. 

ENTER Florence, neatly dressed, Aileen, Emily, Augusta, 
Alberta, Ada and Grace c. d. 

Ada. Is it dinner time? I'm as hungry as a graven image, as 
my grandfather used to say. What is a graven image? 

ENTER Nora r. d. ; she is out of breath. 

Nora. Where is Miss Florence? Here's a telegram for her. 
Florence (reading telegram). "Have been obliged to change 
Jplans. Shall not come at all. Glenn Allen." (Crushes telegram 



The Last Chance. IT 

and throws it to floor. Cries on Augusta's shoulder and is sup- 
ported out of the room by all the Girls who EXIT amid excla- 
mations of anger and disappointment) 

Nora (peers suspiciously about the room as if to discover an 
eavesdropper). Now is my chance. I might have given it to her 
but that would have spoiled it all. Where shall I hide it? Ha! 
the table. Where is the secret missive? (Hunts for note con- 
cealed in dress) Ah, miladies, you have a friend in this cruel 
court that you little dream of — where did I put the thing, any- 
way? — who will stand by you to the last drop of her blood and 
her sacred honor. But hark! Footsteps approach. Ha! 

ENTER Mrs. Connor l. d. Nora appears confused, 

Mrs. C. What's that yer tryin' ter hide in yer waist? Oh, I 
see ye. 

Nora (hanging head). Nothin'. 

Mrs. C. (putting hand on Nora's shoulder). Sure, girl, if it's 
anythin' of the young ladies' ye've been after takin', ye'd better 
put it back. We can't have any of that in this house. 

Nora. I ain't been swipin' Mis' Connor; honest, I ain't. It's 
only a piece of gum Miss Florence giv me an' I've got it some- 
wheres here in my waist. (Produces gum bristling with string 
and toothpicks) Won't you have half? 

Mrs. C. Give me the string an' toothpicks for my half. Now 
get about yer work an' be an honest girl. 

Nora. I'll be through in a minute. (EXIT Mrs. Connor l._ d.) 
My chance. (Finds note in back of waist by a violent contortion; 
waves it in air) Foiled at last! I am unobserved. (Slips it 
under the book-rack on table) But what if they shouldn't think 
to look under the book-rack? I never thought of that. I shall 
have to write another communication to tell 'em it's here. 
(Takes paper and pencil from table. Writes) M-m-m— center 

table rack How do you spell destiny? (After meditating) 

Destiny. There ! [EXIT R. d., folding note. 

ENTER Mrs. Connor and Aunt Charity l. d., Mrs. Connor 
carrying a letter. 

Mrs. C. Yis, Miss Charity, there's two of 'em an' I suppose 
they're middle aged men. I've jist got a letter saying they'll be 
here to-day. Nora brought it when she came from the post- 



18 The Last Chance. 

office. Read it. {Looks over Aunt Charity's shoulder as iHe 
latter reads) " pursue — o " 

Aunt C. " Scientific investigations." 

Mrs. C. I'm doubtin'. That don't mean they're detectives, 
does it? 

Aunt C. Oh, no. They are coming to study nature ; they are 
biologists. And they saw our advertisement for a secluded room 
for gentlemen of mature age and quiet habits. I feel so relieved. 
Mrs. Connor, you are an excellent manager. 

Mrs. C. Thank ye. (Aside) That's to make up, I suppose, 
for what she said when she found that postal. (Busies herself 

Aunt C. Pygmalion Hawkins ! What a romantic name ! And 
Aristotle Ambrose ! A good reliable name but not so poetic. I 
wonder if my dress is in readiness. Pygmalion Hawkins! 
Ah— h! [EXIT l. d. 

Mrs. C. Well, if she ain't gone off with my letter! I'll fol- 
low here up and ask her for it. [EXIT l. d. 

ENTER Alberta, Aileen, Emily, Florence, Ada and Grace c. d. 
Florence is reading a note. 

Florence. What can Nora have meant by giving me this 
piece of jargon with such an air of mystery. 

Ada. Read it again, Florence. 

Florence. " Center table; southwest corner; under book-rack; 
folded paper; on it hangs your destiny." 

Emily. Ugh. Doesn't it make you feel creepy? 

Augusta. I can feel my hair rising on end. 

Grace. Why don't you look under the book-rack and see? 

Florence. You do it, Grace; I don't want to. 

Grace (backing azvay). It isn't addressed to me. 

Aileen (discovering paper under book-rack). Behold in me 
the hero. Here it is, Florence. 

Florence (reads). "Be secret. Be wary. Be discreet. A 
viper hath stung thee. A wild cat did bite thee. She hath taken 
the spice of life from thee all on account of base jealousy. If 
you are not greatly watchful, its pizen fangs will again be buried 
in your writhing flesh and her murderous claws will again be 
tearing their eyes from your innicent sockets. And will you let 
this base vampire again deprive you of your natural rights? 
Hist! When Satan his fiery chariot again wheels to battle in 
yonder vaporous vault, then shall come what you ain't got but 



The Last Chance. 19 

what in thy nocturnal orations you have from day to day and 
niglit unto night partitioned. Your hidden friend." 

Alberta. What does she mean? 

AiLEEN. The girl is crazy. 

Florence. Where did she ever get such expressions? 

Emily. From that classic of Aunt Charity's, most likely. 

Ada. Do you suppose she really did mean anything? 

Florence. We never can tell from this. Let's call her in. 
(At R. d.) Nora! Mercy! Browning is simple beside this. 

ENTER Nora r. d. 

Nora. Have you found it? 

Augusta. We've found a paper with some words on It^ and 
we want you to explain them. 

Nora. You don't want me to explain them all. 

Florence. Yes, Nora; all. 

Nora. Gracious, Miss Florence, I do know what they mean 
sepritly, but all together they means somethin' is a-goin' to hap- 
pen. 

Emily. But what about the viper and the wildcat? 

Nora. Why, that's Miss Charity. 

Emily. To be sure, Nora; we didn't give you credit for so 
much penetration. 

Nora. Oh, I saw how mean she used you about them young 
gents. 

Florence. But, Nora, what is it that's going to happen? 

Nora. Why, couldn't you tell that from the missive ? There's 
somebody a-comin'. Guess who. 

All. How can we? Do tell. 

Nora. Well, when I brought the mail this morning, there 
was a letter for Mrs. Connor from New York. 

All. New York! 

Nora. And after she'd read it, she laid it on the winder-sill 
while she went to carry Miss Charity's breakfast up to her 

All. Yes? 

Nora. And I'd jest had time to read the end of it 'cause the 
end is always the most important, when she come in. I think 
she suspicioned me, 'cause she took the letter an' put 

Florence. But what was the end of it? 

Nora. This was how it read: "Yours truly — " (Girls ex^ 
pec taut) But I couldn't remember the names. 

All. Oh-h-h. 



20 The Last Chance. 

Nora. I couldn't pernounce 'em; but one began with H and 
one with A. 

AiLEEN. Hilton and Allen, by all that's wonderful. 

Nora. Ye-es. I guess that's it. 

Florence. Nora, you're a dear. Next time we go shopping, 
we'll bring you a box of chocolates. 

Nora. No, miss; I ain't done nothin' but what's my duty. 

EXIT R. D. 

Emily. Girls, it's too good to be true. 

AiLEEN. Aunt Charity has certainly relented. 

Alberta. She's keeping this for a surprise. 

Florence. She isn't so bad after all. Three cheers for Aunt 
Charity. (Florence leads cheering) 

All. Rah ! Rah ! Rah ! Aunt Charity ! 

ENTER Peggy and Patty c. d. 

Peggy. Wherefore this unseemly levity? 

Patty. How unmaidenly! 

Ada. Don't you say a word against Aunt Charity. 

Grace. What do you suppose she's done? 

Peggy. Forbidden us to leave the house until after moonrise 
or ordered a diet of peaches and cream for our complexions. 

Aileen. It's mean to make fun of the poor old soul, Peggy; 
she means well. 

Patty. What a change of heart. 

Florence. She's actually going to let Addison and Glenn 
come and they're coming to-day. 

Peggy. A miracle ! No ! 

Patty. You must be misinformed. 

Augusta. No. Nora saw a letter to Mrs. Connor— But here 
comes Aunt Charity. 

ENTER Aunt Charity l. d. She wears a silk dress. 

Peggy (down r., to Patty). There must be something in it; 
that dress speaks volumes. 

Florence {giving hand to Aunt Charity). Good morning, 
Aunt Charity ; how well you are looking ! 

Aileen. What a beautiful morning, Aunt Charity! 

Emily. What a becoming dress ! 

Aunt C. Thank you, all. Now, young ladies, I have some- 
thing important to say to you. 



The Last Chance. 31 

Alberta. It's coming. 

Aunt C. I'm delighted to find you in such good humor, such 
high spirits this morning; for I have something to ask of you. 
Now, it is possible — mind, I do not say probable — that there may 
be guests arrive this morning; and, while I do not wish you to be 
officious, I do wish you to be considerate and — er — maidenly. 

All. Yes, yes. Aunt Charity. 

Florence. We understand perfectly, Aunt Charity. 

ENTER Mrs. Connor r. d. 

Mrs. C. Faith, here they be now in the station team. 

[EXIT c. D. 

Peggy. Do I wake, or am I dreaming? (All Girls except 
Peggy and Patty rush to window. Aunt Charity down l.) 

Aunt C. How unmaidenly! Leave the window at once and 
compose yourselves. (Girls dance back to R.) 

Florence, We saw them anyway. 

Aileen. Oh, girls, isn't this lovely? 

ENTER Mrs. Connor c. d. 

Mrs. C. Right this way, gentlemen. {Holds portieres open for 
them) 
Peggy. The conquering heroes Oh my ! 

ENTER Addison Hilton and Glenn Allen c. d. They are dis- 
guised as Prof. Hawkins and Prof. Ambrose, carry lug- 
gage, etc. As they advance, Ambrose removes Hawkins' 
hat, dusts his coat sleeves, etc. Girls look amazed. 

Glenn Allen. Congratulations, my dear Pygmalion ; this is a 
splendid place for bugs and butterflies. 

Addison Hilton. Ja. Ezpecially de putterflies. (Professors 
bow obsequiously to Aunt Charity zvho appears flattered; Girls 
act their disgust; Peggy clasps Patty ecstatically) 

QUICK CURTAIN. 



The Last Chance. 



ACT II. 



SCENE. — Same as Act I. One we.ek later. A screen has been 
placed behind the tete-a-tete almost at right angles with front 
of stage. Pack of cards under the piano cover. 

ENTER Aunt Charity c. d.; zvears summer dress and hat, 
carrying butterfly net under arm and reading a novel. 

Aunt C. (reads). "Yes, said the Countess Alfreda, 'from 
the first blissful moment my eyes rested on your face, I recog- 
nized in you my affinity.' " (Closes book on finger; sits R. of 
table) The dear thing! I know exactly how she felt. Until 
this minute I never could comprehend love at first sight in ro- 
mances; but truth is stranger than fiction. I had woven a ro- 
mance about the name of Professor Pygmalion Hawkins, but one 
can never tell what destiny has in store for one. He did squint. 
And he must be considerably older than Professor Aristotle 
Ambrose. And he has a decided accent. But Professor Aris- 
totle Ambrose! (Clasps hands dramatically) What a bond of 
sympathy there is between us ! The same tastes ; the same opin- 
ions. What matters it if he is a little older than I ? He need 
never fear that I shall let the discrepancy in age make any dif- 
ference. (Professors appear at c. d., seeing Aunt Charity, 
they try to retreat, but she sees them and rushes to the door) 
Good afternoon, Professor Hawkins. Charmed, Professor Am- 
brose, charmed. (Leading them down) I have been waiting a 
good half hour to join you in your quest for specimens along the 
shore. 

ENTER Nora c. d., hides behind the screen. During the fol- 
lowing action she peeps cautiously, and in pantomime ex- 
presses lively emotion. 

Hilton. But dose young ladies I How can dey endure midout 
your bresence ? 

Aunt C. Thank you, Professor, for the compliment; but the 
young ladies are out boating for an hour or two ; so the weight 
of responsibility is temporarily lifted from my weary shoulders. 



The Last Chance. 23 

When they go rowing, T always sit on the shore to chaperone, 
for the motion of the boat makes me uncomfortable. 

Allen. The most satisfactory method in the world, Miss 
Cooper. 

Hilton. I should think de young ladies would lofe de poating. 

Aunt C. They do. They always like that which I abhor. 
The first of this outing was made very unpleasant. Until you 
arrived, there was no one with whom I was in sympathy in the 
least. But now — (Long pause, in which the Men look at each 
other and at the ceiling) 

Allen. But what made it unpleasant. Miss Cooper? 

Aunt C. (extending hands tozvard them confidingly). I can 
trust implicitly in your discretion, I know I can. 

Hilton. Bet yer life — er — I mean, oui, mademoiselle — er — I 
mean, ja, mein fraulein. 

Allen. Professor Hawkins speaks a great many languages, 
Miss Cooper. 

Aunt C. (bowing). A rare accomplishment. When I chose 
this place for our outing, I did so in order to rescue the young 
ladies, especially two of them, from the undesirable attentions of 
two young men — I will not call them gentlemen— one of whom 
a scapegrace by the name of Glenn Allen, is actually known to 
have stolen. 

Allen (jumping from chair). What? What did he steal? 

Aunt C. Why, I don't know exactly what it was but it was at 
one of those disgraceful ball games. (Men laugh; Aunt 
Charity looks surprised; Allen returns to seat. An uncom- 
fortable pause) Well, to continue, even after that one of the 
girls wrote to this same degenerate, inviting him and his friend 
here. 

Allen. How did you prevent the catastrophe? 

Aunt C. By firmness, my dear Professor, and by a little 
diplomacy in my relations with Mrs. Connor. And your arrival 
has put an end to my uneasiness. You cannot imagine how de- 
lighted I was to find that the room had been engaged by two 
such chivalrous gentlemen of the old school. (Men look at each 
other; finally Hilton rises painfully and bows over his cane) 

Hilton. Don't — er — mention it. Miss Cooper. 

Aunt C But we are wasting precious moments. In an 
amateur way I am deeply interested in your science. Although 
I have never collected specimens, I once embroidered a butterfly 
on a sofa pillow. 

Allen. Remarkable! 



24 The Last Chance. 

Aunt C. (rising and taking net"). Aren't you anxious to pur- 
sue your scientific investigations? 

Allen. Didn't you say you couldn't go out of sight of the 
young ladies? 

Aunt C. But we can keep close to the shore. 

Hilton. Not so. Efery putterfly iss on de opposite side of de 
island. 

Allen. Yes, madam; butterflies gather on the north side of 
the island to fly south for the winter. 

Aunt C. How interesting! 

Allen. So we can't go. It's too long a walk for you. 

Aunt C. By no means. I will signal the girls to return. 
You will find me on the shore by the big rock, awaiting you with 
impatience and expectancy. 

[EXIT c. D., with simpering smiles and deep hows. 

Hilton {with the tails of coat held as for skirt-dancing, minc- 
ing after her) " In the shade of the old apple tree." It's up to 
you to keep that date, Glenn; I shall be missing. It's you she's 
laying for, anyhow. 

Allen. She'll wait by that big rock for one while. I hope it 
will be soft. Well, I'm glad the girls know a third base from 
a diamond necklace. Accused of stealing, am I? (Shakes Hst 
after Aunt Charity) Whew! But it's beastly hot. The girls 
are all gone and she is disposed of. Why can't we cool off? 

Hilton. Sure. Nobody's around. (They take off glasses, 
wigs, whiskers, coats, throwing them right and left, still talking) 
Now you've dragged me down here, I hope you're satisfied. 
Whittaker! Haven't they been cool! 

Allen. I don't know what to make of Florence and Aileen, 
I expected they would see through this rig instantly. 

Hilton. They haven't looked at it yet — or at us. The only 
girls that have taken the trouble to be decent to us are the only 
two we didn't know, and of course, they wouldn't get onto it. 
What are their names? The one with the light hair strikes me. 

Allen. She's Patty. Cost me a quarter to find out that much 
from Nora; and I didn't get her last name then. The other 
one's Peggy. She's the one I aimed the quarter at. 

Hilton. If it weren't so deuced awkward, we'd let them into 
the secret. 

Allen. Don't you think of it, old fellow. They'd never speak 
to us again. We'll give Florence and Aileen one more chance 

Hilton. Yes ; and if they can't see through a hole in a ladder, 
then it's all up with them. Say, though; aren't Peggy and 



The Last Chance. 25 

Patty great. We'll have to hunt them up in New York next 
winter, Glenn. Great Caesar's ghost, Glenn, look. Here they are 
coming up the walk now. Fig and hemlock ! Where's my wig ? 
{They try to assume disguises, get wigs on wrong end to, and 
finally gather up their belongings and rush off R. They see 
Nora behind screen; she drops to a sitting posture in terror) 

Allen (threatening Nora), If you dare breathe a word of 
this to any one, I'll murder you in cold blood. 

Hilton (giving her money). Here's a dollar, Nora. Mum's 
the word, you know. (As they EXIT r. Allen drops letter from 
coat) 

ENTER Peggy and Patty l. d. Patty carries handkerchief, 
puts it gingerly on table. 

Nora (appearing from behind screen, crying and wringing 
hands). Help! Murder! Help! Oh, we'll all be slaughtered in 
cold blood! 

Peggy. Why, what's the matter, Nora? 

Nora. Oh, Miss Peggy, I've been threatened to death. The 
house is running with gore. 

Patty. Nonsense! You've been at Aunt Charity's library 
again. 

Nora. No; I ain't. An' if you'd'a seen the sight I seen jest 
now with my own eyes, your blood would 'a' run cold. Them 
two bloody villiuns, them perfessors, is thieves an' murderers. 
I've had my suspicions of 'em from the first and had a watchful 
eye on 'em. I've shaddered 'em to the ground and obliged 'em 
to lift the mask and show their hand. Miss Patty, I seen it with 
my own eyes ; every livin* hair on their heads is as false as their 
double-dyed characters. I seen 'em take 'em off jest now when 
they thought they was alone, and, oh. Miss Patty, the things 
they said ! They're goin' to tie Aunt Charity to a big rock an' 
steal her diamond necklace. They're goin' to give Miss Florence 
and Miss Aileen one chance to escape, an' if they don't take 
that, they're goin' to tie them to the top round of a ladder, and 
they're goin' to rob you too. Miss, when they get back to New 
York, an' they said I (Sobbing) if — I ever — di — divulged their 
horrible secret, they'd murder me in cold blood, they did. Miss, 
an' it's all as true as I'm standin' here, 

Peggy (to Patty). Here's melodrama while you wait. (To 
Nora) Nora, I realize as fully as do you, the terror and seri- 



26 The Last Chance. 

ousness of the situation. You've been a brave ally, but — lie low; 
do not breathe a word of this to any one. Remember, walls have 
ears. Listen ; I will help you. I am Mrs. Sherlock Holmes, at 
your service, and this is my friend, Miss Watson. 

Nora. Why, you ain't disguised, too? 

Patty. Never you mind about that. Run along now, and re- 
port any new discovery you may make. 

Nora (aside). The plot thickens. [EXIT r. d. 

Patty. Well, what do you make of it. Miss Holmes? Of 
course it's 

Peggy. Of course it is. (Both laugh heartily) 

Patty (tragically). Ha! A clew! (Picks up letter) What 
better clue could one have than a letter dropped, doubtless, by 
the villain on his way to the scene of the crime? 

Peggy, Read it. 

Patty. Shall I? 

Peggy. Of course. Anything is justifiable when human life 
is at stake. 

Patty (looking at letter). Oh, say, Peg; this is just great. 
It's addressed to Mr. Glenn Allen. 

Peggy. Hurrah I Just as I expected. Who says we are not 
detectives? 

Patty. It's from Mrs. Connor. Just listen. (Reads) " Hon- 
ored gentlemen: — this cottage is especially designed for profes- 
sional gentlemen of advanced years " 

Peggy, That's Aunt Charity all over and over. 

Patty. And here's some more of Aunt Charity. (Reads) 
" We assure you that the gastronomic accommodations are above 
reproach, the location of undisturbed serenity. In return we re- 
quire references as to the applicant's character, morality, and 
sobriety. None but those who fulfill the conditions need apply." 
Oh, Peggy, here's where Mrs. Connor comes in. (Reads) " Ex- 
cuse me for being so inquisitive. I'd ruther have young people 
round; it ain't so hard to feed 'em but this is to satisfy Miss 
Charity, though I don't suppose you know who she is. If you 
are in a hurry, you can bring your recommendations with you. 
Yours truly, Mary Connor." 

Peggy (laughing). Oh, Patty, I shall die; I know I shall. 

Patty. Hush ; some one's coming. Probably Mr. Glenn 
Allen, alias Professor Aristotle Ambrose (Deep bozv) and Mr. 
Addison Hilton, his accomplice, otherwise known as Professor 
Pygmalion Hawkins. 



The Last Chance. SJ7 

ENTER Professors r. d., wearing disguises. 

Peggy. Good afternoon, gentlemen. We were just talking 
about you. Speak of angels, you know — (Professors bow) 
There's a large island near here. Cabbage island, they call it. We 
went over there for a picnic the other day, and — take my word 
for it — it was just writhing with caterpillars, great, green, creepy 
things, ugh ! Safe to say, we didn't camp there for our picnic, 
but moved on to the spot where the population was less dense. 
However, my friend, Miss Drew here, who is deeply interested 
in biology, insisted on bringing away one of the most gruesome 
specimens. Where is it, Patty? 

Patty (taking handkerchief from table). Here it is. What 
can I do with it. Professor, to make it blossom — into a butter- 
fly? 

Hilton (poking it nervously) . But it into soft soil and gif it 
blenty of vater. 

Peggy. What kind of butterfly will it become, do you think, 
Professor Ambrose? 

Allen (prodding it), Er — at this stage of development er — it 
would be difficult to say, but — er — probably a — er — chryssilis 
terotae. 

Patty. But we don't understand technical terms. What 
color will it be? 

Allen. Why — er — generally they — er — (Aside to Hilton)' 
Say something, why don't you? 

Hilton (stooping very low to examine it). It — it's red, Miss 
Patty, mit vite stripes and plue stars. 

Patty. How strange ! I never saw one in my life. 

Allen. They are rare. Miss Patty. 

Peggy. H you would care for some of the specimens, Patty 
and I might row you over to the island as soon as the girls re- 
turn with the boat. 

Allen. Thanks, Miss Peggy, we certainly do want the speci- 
mens. But I can row. I used to be stroke on the Varsity in 
college. 

Hilton. You bet. He's a dandy. (Allen seises him) Er— 
I mean 

Allen. Professor Hawkins, such language! (To girls) 
He's living with a nephew who is attending college. 

Peggy. I see. I've taught my grandfather to say, " Come off 
and quit your kiddin'." (ENTER Girls c. d. Peggy and Patty 
DOWN R., Men c.) Hello, girls. You back? 



28 The Last Chance. 

Allen. Good afternoon, young ladies. 

Hilton. Good afternoon, young ladies. (Girls pass the Men 
disdainfully without speaking. Grace, Emily, Florence, and 
Augusta go to table; Aileen and Alberta to divan, zvhere they 
take books and read; Ada to fireplace) 

Florence. Isn't this the limit for dullness? But while Aunt 
Charity's away, I suppose we might as well make ourselves mis- 
erable with a game of whist. (Gets cards from under piano and 
gum from other hiding-places. Emily discovers ivorm in hand- 
kerchief, shrieks, throws it out of window; Girls sit at table) 
You deal, Emily. I suppose Augusta and I will play partners as 
usual. (Emily deals) 

Hilton {going to divan). Did you enjoy your boat ride, 
Miss Aileen? (Aileen closes book violently and goes front to 
Peggy and Patty, followed by Alberta. Hilton puckers his 
face and twirls his thumbs) 

Florence. Hearts are trumps. I never have any luck on red. 
(Girls play) 

Alberta. You two girls are extremely considerate of our 
ancient friends, the professors. 

Aileen. Considerate ! Peggy'd flirt with a scarecrow. 

Peggy. We ought always to be kind and thoughtful to elderly 
people. 

Aileen. Watch Peggy practice that doctrine on Aunt Charity. 

Alberta (laying hands on Peggy's back). Peggy dear 

Peggy (jumping up). Ow! Is there a caterpillar? 

Alberta. I was just feeling if your wings were sprouting. 
(Peggy sits angrily) 

Allen (near table). Do you play auction bridge. Miss Flor- 
ence? 

Florence (without noticing him). Your turn again, Augusta. 

Augusta. No; you took that trick. 

ENTER Aunt Charity l. d. 

Aunt C. (rushing to Hilton). Have you forgotten our ap- 
pointment, my dear Professor? (Pantomime of conversation) 
Grace. She never even saw us. (Peggy and Patty cross to 

L.) 

Allen (front). Are you ready to show us that wonderful 
island, Miss Peggy? 

Peggy. Yes; and there's just time before tea. (EXEUNT 
Peggy and Patty c. d. Allen stops at exit and coughs to at- 
tract Hilton's attention) 



The Last Chance. 39 

"AvKT C. (holding Hilton by buttonhole). This is al! so inter- 
esting, my dear Professor, but I don't yet understand 

Allen. I am going for those specimens the young ladies told 
us of. [EXIT Allen c. d. 

Hilton. Mine cracious! Dose putterjfiies. (Breaks away 
from Aunt Charity atid runs toward c. d.) 

Aunt C. But, Professor, our walk? 

Hilton. We are going mit de young ladies for a poat ride. 

[EXIT c. D. 

Aunt C. The doddering old fossils! To be taken in by a 
pretty face! (Throws butterfly net; snatches off hat; EXIT 
L. D.) 

All (rising). How unmaidenly! 

CURTAIN. 



SCENE II. — Same as Act I. Evening of same day. Stage dark 
except for fire in fireplace. 

ENTER Peggy cautiously l. d., creeps across stage, collides 
with chair making a slight noise, stifles a scream, drops 
match-box, picks it up in haste, and disappears R. d. into 
kitchen. A rustle is heard from r. d., then the crackle of 
fire (made by crumpling stiff paper) and the red glare of 
fire (red tableau lights) is seen through r. d. Peggy EN- 
TERS from R. D. and runs across stage. 

Peggy. Help! Help! Fire! Fire! Fire! (Runs back to 
R. D.) Oh dear, why doesn't somebody come! (Calls) Fire! 
It's spreading so much faster than I had any idea it could. 
(Wrings hands) I'll have to throw some water on it myself. 

[EXIT R. D. 

ENTER Girls l. d. ; they huddle together up stage. 

Emily. Where's the fire? 
Augusta. What is it? 
AiLEEN. Oh ! We shall all be burned alive. 
Ada. What shall we do? 

Patty (excitedly at r. d.). Peggy dear, do come out of that 
awful room. Oh-h-h 1 Don't do that. Peggy ! Help I 



so The Last Chance. 

ENTER L. D. Allen and Hilton, without disguises, they rush 
across stage, 

Allen. ) jj^^.^. Coming! [EXEUNT r. d. 

Hilton. ) 

Florence. Addison Hilton! 

Emily. Glenn Allen! 

Grace. Where did they come from? 

ENTER Mrs. Connor l. d. 

Mrs. C. (running across stage to r. d.) Why be yez all 
a-standin' there like bumps on a log wid my house a-burnin' 
down over my head? [EXIT R. d. 

ENTER Aunt Charity l. d., also disheveled. 

Aunt C. (same action). How terrible! A fitting ending to 
such a wretched day. Who is fighting the flames? [EXIT r. d. 

Aileen. Well, if this hasn't been an eventful day ! Wasn't it 
queer? Peggy declared she felt it in her bones that something 
was going to happen. 

Augusta. I know it. She was so sure that she wouldn't let 
us go to bed. 

Emily. And wasn't it strange that she should go down-stairs 
just in time to discover the fire and give the alarm. 

Alberta. I'll never make sport of her presentiments again. 

Aileen. And to think of Addison and Glenn 

Peggy (from the kitchen) It's all over, girls. Come out and 
view the ruins. [EXEUNT Girls r. d. 

ENTER Peggy and Glenn Allen r. d. 

Peggy. Where's Patty? 

Glenn. The last I saw of her she was disappearing in the 
direction of the veranda with Professor Hawkins. Let me give 
you this chair; you must be considerably unnerved. (Peggy sits 
near table) 

Peggy. When you stop to consider that it was only a fire in 
the wood-box 

Allen. That makes no difference. When I saw you dash 
that water on the fire — Well, I'd known all the time that you 
were good and sweet and kind, but I hadn't known that you were 



The Last Chance. 31 

a real heroine. (Peggy attempts to rise) One moment, Miss 
Hinds. (Peggy resumes her seat) I realize that my conduct 
must seem abominable, but may I have one minute in which to 
explain ? 

Peggy (looking down). Yes. 

Allen. Although we had never met you, we had known the 
other girls for a long time. 

Peggy (roguishly). Especially? 

Allen. Yes, it's true; especially Florence and Aileen. And 
when we found that only old men might come here, we dis- 
guised, expecting that they would see through our rigs at once 
and we'd have no end of fun. We had never imagined they 
could be so supercilious and we decided not to let them in at 
once. Then you and Miss Patty were so good to us old fogies 
that we decided not to let them in at all, but to procure intro- 
ductions to you when we got back to town. But now you know 
all about it and I want to know if you will forgive us — that is — 
hang it, I don't care whether you forgive Ad. or not, but will 
you forgive me? 

Peggy. Why, certainly, I forgive you. There was no harm in 
it after all. But Florence and Aileen — will they forgive you? 

Allen. We're about square with Florence and Aileen. The 
only other favor I'll ask — now — is that you won't forget me 
when we go back to New York. 

Peggy (jumping up). Wait. It's my turn. We're going to be 
here only three days more. 

Allen. That's true — more's the pity. 

Peggy. And I've known you ever since the day when you took 
off your disguises here and dropped your letter as you ran. 

Allen. You HAVE? 

Peggy. And I thought it was a shame to lose all these three 
days and — I know you'll hate me now — but I wanted to make 
you appear without your disguises; so I set that wood-box on 
fire myself — so there ! (Drops face in arms on table) 

Allen. Peggy, you're a trump. I was too stupid to see any 
way out. You're more than a heroine; you're a genius. Won't 
you shake hands? (Peggy rises and gives him her hand as Hil- 
ton and Patty appear c.) 

Hilton. Are we going to be in the way? 

Allen. Not a bit. You were gone so long we didn't know 
but you were in search of a chrissilis terotae. 

Patty. Rather we have been resolving how two professors 
can transform themselves into a whole fire-brigade. 



82 The Last Chance. 

ENTER Girls r. d. 

AiLEEN. You're base deceivers, all of you. We've heard the 
whole story in the kitchen, but we've decided to forgive you. 

Florence. We'll get our revenge some time. Won't we bury 
you in rice? 

Emily. And old shoes! I'll have a dozen pairs myself. 

ENTER Aunt Charity and Mrs. Connor r. d. 

Aunt C. (pushes her way through the knot of Girls to Allen 
and Hilton). You are an impostor, sir — two of them. Mrs. 
Connor, I demand that these men be sent away at once. 

Mrs. C. Faith, yez old curlpapered spalpeen, did yez think 
I'd sind away the hayroes that saved me wood-box an' maybe 
mesilf from perishin' in the conflaguration ? No, sorr ! (To 
Hilton and Allen) Ye can stay till the lake freezes over, and 
what's more, ye kin have yer room rint free. 

CURTAIN. 



MILITARY PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

BY THE ENEMY'S HAND. 4 Acts; 2 hours 30 4 

EDWARDS, THE SPY. 5 Acts; 2i^ hours 10 4 

PRISONER OF ANDERSON VILLE. 4 Acts; 2^ hours.. 10 4 

CAPTAIN DICK. 3 Acts; 1}^ hours 9 6 

ISABEI^, THE PEARL, OF CUBA. 4 Acts; 2 hours 9 3 

LITTLE SAVAGE. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 4 4 

BY FORCE OF IMPULSE. (15 cents.) 5 Acts; 2)4 hours 9 3 

BETWEEN TWO FIRES. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2 hours 8 3 



RURAL PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

MAN FROM MAINE. 5 Acts; 214 hours ....... 9 

AMONG TH^ BERKSHIRES. 3 Acts; 2^ hours 8 

OAK FARM. 3 Acts; 21^ hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 

GREAT WINTERSON MINE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 

SQUIRE THOMPKINS' DAUGHTER. 5 Acts; 2}^ hours 5 

WHEN A MAN'S SINGLE. 3Acts;2hours 4 

FROM PUNKIN RIDGE. (15 cents.) 1 Act; Ihour... 6 

LETTER FROM HOME. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 25 minutes 1 



ENTERTAINMENTS 

25 CENTS EACH 

AUNT DINAH'S QUILTING PARTY. 1 Scene 5 11 

BACHELOR MAIDS' REUNION. 1 Scene , 2 30 

IN THE FERRY HOUSE. 1 Scene; li^ hours 19 15 

JAPANESE ^VEDDING. 1 Scene; 1 hour 3 10 

MATRIMONIAL EXCHANGE. 2Acts;2hours 6 9 

OLD PLANTATION NIGHT. 1 Scene; 1^ hours 4 4 

YE VILLAGE SKEWL OF LONG AGO. 1 Scene. 13 12 

FAMILIAR FACES OF A FUNNY FAMILY 8 11 

JOLLY BACHELORS. Motion Song or Recitation 11 

CHRISTMAS MEDLEY. 30 minutes .. 15 14 

EASTER TIDINGS. 20 minutes 8 

BUNCH OF ROSES. (15 cents.) 1 Act; IJ^ hours 1 13 

OVER THE GARDEN WALL. (15 cents) 11 8 



DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N.Y. 




LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 
, . \\ 

It 111 I HI 11 11 

I'ii 

oiiiliiiiiiil" 

COMEDIES AND I """ o 017 199 379 9 
25 CENTS EACH 

M. F. 

BREAKING HIS BONDS. 4 Acts; 2 hours..'. 6 3 

BUTTERNUT'S BRIDE. 3 Acts; 2^^ hours 11 6 

COLLEGE CHUMS. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 9 3 

COUNT OP NO ACCOUNT. 3 Acts; 2}^ hours 9 4 

DEACON. 5Act8; 2i^hours. . 8 6 

DELEGATES EROM DEN"\^ER. 2 Acts; 45 minutes 3 10 

DOCTOR BY COURTESY. 3Acts;2hours 6 5 

E ASTSIDERS, The. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 8 4 

ESCAPED FROM THE LAW. 5 Acts; 2 hours 7 4 

GIRL FROM PORTO RICO. 3 Acts; 2}^ hours 5 3 

GYPSY QUEEN. 4 Acts; 23^ hours 5 3 

IN THE ABSENCE OP SUSAN. 3 Acts; li^ hours 4 6 

JAILBIRD. 5 Acts; 21^ hours 6 3 

JOSIAH'S COURTSHIP. 4Acts;2hours 7 4 

MY LADY DARRELL. 4Acts; 2i^hours 9 6 

MY UNCLE FROM INDIA. 4 Acts; 21^ hours 13 4 

NEXT DOOR. 3Acts;2hours 6 4 

PHYLLIS'S INHERITANCE. 3 Acts; 2 hoars 6 9 

REGULAR FLIRT. 3Acts;2hours 4 4 

ROGUE'S LUCK. 3Acts;2hours 5 3 

SQUIRE'S STRATAGEM. 5 Acts ; 2J4 hours 6 4 

STEEL KING. 4 Acts; 2V|S hours 5 3 

WHAT'S NEXT? 3 Acts; 2i^i hours 7 4 

WHITE LIE. 4Acts; 2i^hour8 4 3 



WESTERN PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

ROCKY FORD. 4 Acts; 2 hours 8 

GOLDEN GULCH. 3 Acts; 2^ hours 11 

RED ROSETTE. 3Acts:2bours 6 

MISS M08HER OP COLORADO. 4 Acts; 2i^ hours.... 5 

STUBBORN MOTOR CAR. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 

CRAWFORD'S CLAIM. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2^ hours. 9 



DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 



